Struggling In Postpartum? There Are Some Real Reasons Why Early Motherhood Can Feel So Hard

(Hint: It’s Not Your Fault)

The transition into motherhood often feels confusing and unfamiliar… but you might also notice that is feels in some ways similar to a transition you’ve been through before. Can you guess?

Adolescence! That’s right. New moms and teens actually have quite a lot in common. Read on to learn more about how these transformative stages compare!

We often stereotype teenagers as moody, angsty, fueled by hormones… emotionally charged.  But we give them a pass because we know their brains and bodies and social worlds are changing drastically (plus, we can all remember what that awkward time felt like).

As a new mom, I was shocked to discover that the transition from pregnancy to early motherhood mirrors adolescence in many ways!

So if you’re pregnant or a new mom, and you feel irritable, reactionary, disoriented, have major mood swings, feel awkward and uncomfortable in your new role… there are many reasons why you might be having those feelings (just like teens). Here are a few:

1. Biological:  Hormones! It’s well known that in adolescence, changes in testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone drive many of the mood and emotional changes that teens experience.  But those hormone changes are minor compared to pregnancy - did you know a woman will produce more estrogen during one pregnancy than throughout her entire life when not pregnant? And right after birth, these hormones plummet to perimenopausal levels within 24 hours. This can contribute to baby blues, but also can impact mood well after delivery as hormones continue to fluctuate and return back to pre-pregnancy levels.   Ummm okay, and we thought PMS mood swings were bad… Yikes!

2. Psychological:  Adolescence is a time when teens will start to align with their identity, develop strong opinions, and shape values and morals - a lot of this has to do with actual brain changes and development in areas of the brain that have to do with more complex and abstract thinking.  But did you know the maternal brain changes in similar ways as well?  “Mommy brain” is not just about forgetfulness and sleep deprivation. The brain literally dies off in certain areas and also grows in other areas (synaptic pruning)  to help eliminate pathways it no longer needs to help you focus on new maternal functions and skills.

3. Social: The social transition in adolescence is massive.  It’s a time when youth begin forming identities that are shaped by peer groups, environment, and culture.  This is probably the least predictable aspect of development in adolescence.  Similarly, in the journey to motherhood, our identities and social worlds are completely up-ended.  Your role in nearly every aspect of your life is shifted, and you’re also taking on many new roles that all fall under the job description of mommy.  And in our culture today, that creates endless opportunities for comparison, for glimpses into seemingly perfect homes and mom-life; not to mention the way technology has opened us up to constantly being available to everyone all the time, and with that comes lots of unwanted advice and judgment… it’s no surprise that for moms, this “social” aspect of motherhood shapes us to feel inferior, inadequate, and never enough.

If you could go back and reassure the teen version of yourself, what would you tell them?  I’d tell her that I see her, and that this is really tough, you are doing great, you are doing the best you can. It will get easier, and, this is also going to be one of the best times in your life.  And now I know I should tell the mom version of myself that same exact thing!